I was supposed to go home for Fall Break this evening at 6:00... and then dorm shenanigans tempted me to stay on campus until tomorrow morning... amazing that dorm life still has the power to captivate me after three and a half years. I even paid an extra $10 to postpone my bus ticket.
0 Comments
One of my not-so-close high school/considerably-closer-and-dear college friends received a full time job offer this week for when she graduates in December. I am so proud of her and she absolutely deserves this job (as well as the many other blessings that I am sure Life has in store for her). She works so hard and is a truly gentle soul who has never asked for much. She deserves happiness and if this job is a step in that direction (or even just an encouraging stepping stone on the way to her actual step in that right direction), I hope it treats her well.
Went to grade papers for a couple hours this morning. Realized that the mold in my water bottle straw-entry area is actually quite disgusting and maybe that’s why I am starting to feel sick. I have that scratchy feeling in the back of my throat that I get when some niggling, inconvenient head cold is looming in front of me and I almost (almost) hate the anticipation of the discomfort that is to come more than the actual discomfort.
Or maybe I am getting sick from being stressed. I wonder if this is the most stressful semester of college I will experience. There are 97 days left (I still have to do today’s Instagram post though). I am sitting in the grove and typing and being an old lady while I watch the young’uns play with water balloons. People from LAR, Allen, and Busey are here and I know only half of the people present. There is something strange about the overturning of generations that occurs in college (and high school too, I guess, technically); it’s like… not so much sad as it is bittersweet and not so much disconcerting as it is just lonely. I miss what once was, but I am grateful for where I am. I crave the company of those who are older than me and who have already left, but I am excited to see where life is taking them and where/who we will be in x number of years and what new cafes we can check out together. I wonder if ants on a log know that they are ants on a log? And if, in fact, those ants do not know that about themselves.... what objective truths are humans unable to know about themselves? And is this blindness an incapability (our fault) or is it actually an inability (Universe's decision)? I see people that aren’t here and it makes me sad. And it some ways I think it is sadder when people are simply away from me and not actually gone from this Earth; at least the latter is absolute.
It’s the very nature of the former, however, that makes it so heartbreaking. The fact that everything is still up in the air. The undecidedness. The simple, periodic, realizations that these people are living their lives and that I cannot possibly share in that experience with everybody that I wish to. Nostalgia gets to all my emotions and I don't know if the tears welling up in my eyes are those of sadness, contentedness, rose-colored glasses, happiness, regret, or if I'm just straight-up smiling because of the memories and because I'm thinking about how much everything has changed and all the people I've met and all the relationships that have matured and/or deepened and all the people that have seen me through these past two years.
|
Authormy mind is full of gibberish and this space will keep me sane. we have a love-hate relationship. Archives
December 2017
Categories
All
|